Guilty Selfishness
by jazziisms
Summary: "When I found your horses…" she confessed, looking down at her lap, "for a minute I thought you were…" she didn't finish, and he was glad she didn't. "But I couldn't lose hope just yet. I had to find you." Arukuri. Oneshot.


**These two will be the death of me probably.**

* * *

"Does it hurt?"

_Everything_ hurts. Or at least, that's what he wanted to tell her. His head was the last of his concern right now. He wasn't in physical pain. No, not really. His fingers were numb. He was numb. Eyes glazed forward. They lost so many today…and that titan…that female titan…No, no, no. Out of everyone, it had to be her. Worst of all, it had to be his _friend_.

"Armin?"

Again, he said nothing. He sat still, hands flat on his lap, gaze boring into the wall. What could he even say? What _should_ he say?

"Okay, well…I'll leave you alone for a little while…"

His eyes moved, following the small blonde figure to the door. Dry, chapped lips were moistened by the quick stroke of his tongue, and somehow he managed a weak, "Wait. Don't go."

Immediately, the petite girl turned around with bright, concerned blue eyes as she lingered by the door; hands laced in front of her. "Yes?"

Armin hesitated, biting his lip. He didn't want to be alone with his haunting thoughts right now. He could use some needed company - and she was there for him anyway, without him even having to ask. "Can you…can you stay?"

Christa's response was immediate. "Okay," she said back just as softly, walking back over to his bedside. He smiled gently at her, despite the immense pain churning and twisting his heart. Her companionship, he realized, should be treasured; not taken for granted. She had been nothing but nice to him and clearly expressed her genuine care for him.

He might have been pushing it a little bit, but as she drew closer he scooted over in his bed to provide room for her. He watched her look at the vacant space, then back into his eyes for confirmation. He nodded, and that smile of hers returned before she climbed into bed with him, sitting down next to him. Wrapping her hands around her ankles as she lifted her knees comfortably.

"Thanks," he murmured to her in a small voice.

Hers was smaller. "You're welcome." Even softer, "I was…_so worried_…"

"Hm?" He looked over at her. She could be talking about anything, and he didn't blame her one bit. But there was a small part of him, where he was a bit selfish, that hoped that she somehow worried about _him_ in particular.

"When I found your horses…" she confessed, looking down at her lap, "for a minute I thought you were…" she didn't finish, and he was glad she didn't. "But I couldn't lose hope just yet. I _had_ to find you."

He hesitated. "Me and…Jean? And Reiner?"

And that's when he saw it. The faintest of blushes blossoming across her cheeks. His heart started to race. "Yes, but…"

"B-But what?" he stammered.

Their eyes met.

"I…" Christa also hesitated. "I was…really…worried about _you_." She tentatively placed her small, soft hand over his. "Armin…"

_Oh_.

"Really?" he whispered.

"Yeah..." she whispered back.

His cheeks were as red as hers now, and he looked down at their hands; shyly flipping his hand over from underneath hers to lace their fingers together. This wouldn't be the first time he felt nervous today, but this...this was definitely not the kind of nerves that shook him to his core not two hours prior. This was different. _Very_ different.

A_ good_ different.

.

.

.

Armin hummed in puzzlement as he read to himself, letting Eren and Jean's bickering melt into the background. He finally had a sense of normality, for once not running for his life. Even after Eren's rescue, he and Jean still had something to fight about. But Armin was pretty sure he could tune them out until things got serious. The team had managed to find another abandoned house to stay for the next few days, seemingly in the middle of nowhere; but Armin knew better than to let his guard down. Their peace could be disturbed at any moment.

"Historia?"

Eren's voice, her name falling from his lips, had Armin's attention diverting to the open doorway. The petite blonde stood there, not meeting any of their curious gazes just yet.

"Can I talk to Armin for a minute?"

Armin's heart skipped a beat, and both Eren and Jean looked over at him. After a long beat of silence, the two boys awkwardly got to their feet and shuffled passed Historia on their way out; Eren gave Armin an assuring, knowing look before closing the door behind himself. Armin nervously put his book down next to his legs, splayed open still, wondering what was on her mind.

And that's when Historia moved. Armin watched as she climbed into bed with him, breath hitching as she crawled into his lap and straddled his hips. Slender arms draped around his neck, her face making its home in the place where his shoulder and neck met, and she sighed into his skin.

"What...?" Armin furrowed his eyebrows slightly, gradually letting his arms fall around her.

"I'm so sorry..." she whispered against his collarbone.

"For what?" he lifted a hand further to cup the back of her head.

"For...for what you had to go through instead of me. And I'm sorry that I felt..._relieved..._that it wasn't me..."

He couldn't help himself. He chuckled, giving her a gentle squeeze. "You're apologizing for being _human_?"

She lifted her head and pulled back, hands gripping his shoulder blades. She looked down into his eyes with furrowed eyebrows, confusion etching its way across her soft features. "You're not angry with me?"

"Why would I be angry with you? You've done nothing wrong." Both hands fell to her hips, kneading them softly. "It's natural to feel relieved when something happens to someone else in your favor. That's just instinctual."

"That's selfish."

"It's okay to be selfish every once in a while." Her fingers absently played with his blond tresses, and his lips pulled up in a little smile; reassuring her with his gaze and hold on her.

Historia chewed on her bottom lip.

"Is there something else on your mind that you'd like to talk about? You know you can tell me anything."

She shook her head, tilting her forehead down to touch his. "Not really. But thanks."

He hummed, stroking her spine absentmindedly. "Do you want to stay in here or go for a walk with me?"

"It doesn't matter. I just..." she threaded her fingers through his hair, eyes closing tight; expression pained. "I just don't want to be _alone_ again."

Armin reached up to cup her face, lifting his face further to brush his lips against her cheek. "Historia, you were _never_ alone. You were there for me. _Let me be there for you_."

The petite blonde trembled in his arms, and he only held her tighter.


End file.
